


Eleventh

by Nopejune



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 09:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15793728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nopejune/pseuds/Nopejune
Summary: Ava visits her ex in Vegas again after Sara told her she loved her. She learns more about the correlation between love and her existence.A one-shot filling the gap between 3x17 and 3x18 because WHEN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID SARA TELL AVA TO RUN!!!P.S. I imagine Ava's ex as Alex from Mistresses, played by Shannyn Sossamon. The character had a relationship with Jes's character in that soap.





	Eleventh

                Ava sinks her exhausted body in her navy blue sofa. She rests her head on the armrest, eyes closed. She let the hue of the evening sky lights her living room, too tired to turn the light on, and at this moment, she prefers the darkness anyway. She doesn’t think she could stand the white light of the Bureau, or that of the clone facility in 2213. Her time courier did lessen the distance and time, but her body and mind still feel the effect of her recent trip to the Waveraider. 

 

_“There is no me to love.”_

 

            Her own shaking voice repeatedly echoes again and again in her head. Does she really believe that herself? Or does she just hate the fact she doesn’t understand a thing about what is happening: Sara is gonna let Mallus free; Rip agrees with that crazy plan; and the fact that she is the twelfth.

 

               Sara’s _‘I love you’_ is so illusive to Ava. How come -- in the middle of the heated strategizing, Sara would spit that important words to Ava when two weeks ago she didn’t want her to take parts in her life. 

 

_“I think I fall in love with you. But I know you want to be just friend. It’s not your fault. But I can’t be your friend.”_

 

             Looking at a tumble of whisky in her hand, contemplating the connection between love and her existence, Ava can’t help but remembering Alex rambling about her feeling and why it was not okay to keep seeing Ava after they slept together for the sake of sexual tension and alcohol. Ava chuckles, she is curious how Alex would react if she knew that Ava was just a thing, a replaceable, not fully human. She touches her time courier and in a blink, she is in another living room. This one is warm with the yellow light and earth tone furnitures. Alex is just like this, always changes a dull place into a cozy, hipsteresque one. Ava couldn’t believe she fell in love with a _government stiff_ like her. 

 

                She just sits in the red sofa for about five minutes until the owner of the room in her bath robe finds her and almost jumps because of the unexpected guest.

 

                  “Ava! what are you doing here? Are you okay, babe?

 

                 Tears brimming her eyes, Ava looks at the beautiful brunette in front of her. Alex rushes to sit beside Ava and gently strokes her hair.

 

                “That’s okay. You don't have to talk if you don't want to.” 

 

                 How come Alex always treats her nicely as usual and why a beautiful woman like her is still single? Ava takes a deep breath.

 

                “Actually, I need to tell you something.” 

 

              Ava fixes her gaze on the other woman. Those warm brown eyes blink, confused.

 

                “Did Sara do something that hurt you? I’m gonna assassinate her with my own hands.” 

 

               Ava shakes her head.

 

              “No, it’s not about Sara. It’s about me.”  She pauses, places one of her hands on Alex’s.

 

                   “I’m not real. I’m a clone. I’m just one of thousands programmed to serve the owners’ commands. It’s hard to believe but It’s true, I work as a secret agent for the government and I can show you those copies of me. Alex, I’m sorry that you had to date me not knowing that I’m not a real human, that I don't have personality -- that I don't have free will to love or feel anything.” 

 

               Ava let it all out. She needs to let this out. She needs to see, to make sure that love doesn’t exist between a human and a clone. She will delete her memory later. 

 

              There, those brown eyes just dilate. Alex must be really shocked. She may stand up and maybe run away. She might think Ava is crazy.

 

              To Ava's surprise, droplets of tears wet Alex’s cheeks. She leans towards Ava and kisses her forehead. Her arms cradle Ava’s body as if the director was a fragile kitten in fear. Dazzled by Alex’s reaction but craving comfort, Ava rests her head on Alex’s collarbone.

 

                 “It’s okay. I know. I know everything.”  Alex whispers. 

 

             Ava’s body stiffens, she looks at her ex’s teary face, trying to make sense of what she just heard.

 

             “I don't understand, Alex. How? I never told you before. And...and... you are a yoga instructor. You don't have anything to do with the mess I am dealing with everyday. I.. I..”

 

               Ava stops rambling when a soft palm caresses her cheek. 

 

               “Sh..sh.. It’s okay.” Alex’s voice is shaking. She gives Ava a soft smile, tears rolled down. 

 

               “I miss her. I miss her all the months I had to spend without her. You reminded me of her when you came to see me a week ago.” Alex pauses.

 

               “But you are not her. You are not _my_ Ava.”

 

                Ava’s pale blues widen, the crease of pain forms between her eyebrows. The realization hits her hard enough to make her heart clench, causing some sort of sharp hollowness in her chest for a second. Ava leans back, moving away from the newly unknown hand. She cannot look at the other woman face. 

 

               “I’m sorry.”  Ava whispers, trying so hard not to let her voice shaken. She wipes her tears off with one of her arm.  “I’m sorry for your lost. And I.. I didn’t know that you knew. I shouldn’t have come to you. I am sorry.” 

 

               She starts rambling again, looking at her hands until the other woman takes those hands into hers.

 

                “No no no. Shhh.. Don’t say sorry, please, Ava. You did nothing wrong. I’m glad you came to see me. Your existence is so important to me. You ensure me that she was real, that what we had was real, not just an illusive dream that I don't have any proof that it was once the part of my reality." Alex's mouth forms a gentle smile despite the traces of tears on her cheeks. "Thank you for your existence.” 

 

             Ava turns to face the woman who holds her hands, her mouth open in disbelief. Alex is in tears but she smiles. Ava is lost in the sad yet beautiful expression for a moment. Alex suddenly let go of her hands. 

 

             “Sorry. I should’ve respected your personal space.” She says while wiping her tears off her face. 

 

              “This is getting awkward. You are not her. Basically, we don't know each other. I would love a drink with you but you probably think I’m too weird.” 

 

             Alex scoots away from Ava. The director looks around the apartment with the fresh perspective. She is not familiar with this place as much as she thought. She has the silhouette of it but not all the details. For example, this is the first time she notices that the hands and arms cradling a cute Boston terrier in a photo on the wall actually look like hers.

 

            “Tell me more about her. I want to know her. I mean, if you don't mind. She’s a dog person wasn’t she?” 

 

              Alex blinks her eyes. It seems like she cannot find the words. 

 

             “Of course, Ava.” She finally utters. “Would you like some tea? I have a really good collection of green tea.” 

 

           They simply help each other preparing the tea and make themselves comfortable in the cozy room. Alex lights some scented candles.

          Ava sips the warm green tea. “Did your Ava tell you everything?” 

 

          Alex answers with silence for a while, losing herself in her memory.

 

           “I was not a yoga instructor either. I mean, yes, I’m really good at yoga but I was a kind of freelance journalist first and foremost. I came to vegas to observe the aviation activity above Area 51. You can see the taking off and landing at night from my bedroom’s window. It’s high enough.” 

 

             Just like that, Alex was able to see the patterns and the connections. Being a good looking woman, she pried some information from the soldiers who came to hang out in Vegas easily. Every time there was a political unrest in the sort of former U.S. colonies, the air base was very active, usually without the news about American involvement in those situations. 

 

            “My concern was mainly on that until one night I saw some sort of lightning storm and a really big vessel in the sky above the base.” 

 

              Alex pauses. It seems like she loses herself in that moment in the past.

 

              “I met Ava a day later. She came to my yoga class, eager to know me more. I knew there’s something off. I mean she’s ripped but didn’t look like a type of yoga lover at all. To be honest, her entire body screamed a military agent. I asked her right away if she planed to kidnap me because of what I learned. And she’s so awkward. She’s such a puppy. I could see right through her that she didn’t like getting anybody hurt. I told her everything -- how passionated I was to expose the military, how much I did care about global war. And what she did was asking me nicely not to talk about the unidentified ship. She said I would be killed and she genuinely didn’t want me dead.”

 

               Ava tilts her head, the incident reminds her of a small detailed in one of the Bureau’s reports. The vessel of Zheng He, the Chinese admirer who led the great sea expedition and found America in 13th century, long before Columbus’s arrival, was displaced to the sky of Area 51, threatening to fall and cause massive explosion. It took the majority of Time Bureau’s resources to stop the incident. They were lucky only one civilian saw it and the person’s memory was erased, the usual protocol. 

 

               “She didn’t erase your memory.” Ava mumbles. “And I don’t even remember meeting you that way.”

     

               Alex chuckled to herself. “She knew how precious memories were, either good or bad, they were all special.”

 

               “And she just started seeing you?”

 

                Alex smiles with a glint of the long lost happiness in her eyes. 

 

                She broke the protocol. That eleventh Ava decided not to follow the prohibition of fraternizing with the locals. 

 

                “I kept what I saw to myself, thought that would be the last time I saw her, and a month later she came back, looking as wrecked as you are right now.” 

 

                Ava’s heart clenches at the thought of another clone having her identity shattered.

 

                “I didn’t know what happened to her but there were bruises here and there and her suit, that time she wore suit, was wrinkled and dirty with the remnant of a civil war or some sort. And she started crying like a baby, you know.”

 

               “She was so weak. Who would’ve thought I would let a CIA stranger stay with me for a night. But I did.”

 

                “And we met more often. She asked me to do some random things with her. She said she hadn’t had chances to do those things before. Like that one time we went paint balling together and she was so good. We almost won but one of the opponents aimed at me and , you know, I was a yoga teacher ready to get shot. But she used her own body to shield me from the bullets, and when it was just me, we lost.” Alex giggled at the memory. 

 

               “The Halloween was the good one too. We went to a corn maze. We got lost in that chilly cornfield for a while. You know, the map they gave us at the entrance was never accurate.” 

 

               Alex is quiet for a moment before moving her gaze to the photo of the Boston Terrier on the wall. 

 

               “Lost under the full moon and the clear sky, in the middle of the cornfield, like that, we kissed. She said it’s her first kiss. I didn’t believe her.” 

 

            Alex softly tells herself, revisiting the moment at the junction on the trail. They were tired enough to stop following the map and just sat together on a bench. The temperature dropped and their breath was visible in the cold air. Ava in her red cuff beanie and a yellow wool coat pulled Alex closer for some needed heat. Her eyes were so blue and shimmering under the moonlight. And when those charming and naive blues fell on her lips, Alex closed the gap between them. 

 

              “I should’ve believed her. I should’ve perfected it for her. I should’ve made her feel how special she was to me and ensured her that it was meaningful.” 

 

              Alex swallows a lump in her throat. Ava see more small drops of tears slowly roll down from her eyes and wet her cheeks. 

 

               Ava reaches her hand to squeeze the other woman’s shoulder gently, feelings surges up in her chest. She gets what the previous version of her did. She tried to rewrite her memories. She was trying to make them hers. She made the different version of that stupid corn maze. Ava remembers it as a waste of time. She and her partner finished the maze so easily using a compass instead of the map. They ended up waiting for their friends for an hour. 

 

             “I was so happy, you know. She was perfect for me, always full of energy and lived her life as if everything was new to her. I couldn’t ask for more in a girlfriend. One time, I asked why she chose me of all people, why would she came to me even though it seemed risky to hangout with someone who used to be the government’s threat.” 

 

           Ava looks up to meet a gleam of happiness in Alex’s puffy eyes.

 

             “What did she say?” She asked tentatively.

 

           “I’m sorry but I won’t share this with you. It’s too personal and it’s between me and my girlfriend. The general idea was she loved me.”

 

           Ava nods, understands. Her memory about _Alex the ex-girlfriend in Vegas_ is totally different. They weren’t anything serious like what she just heard from Alex.

 

           “And...and one night, last year, she came to me with that hopeless look again. She said her current mission was getting out of her hands and she wasn’t sure if she would be able to come back.” 

 

              Ava noticed how the brown eyes were dimmed. She takes Alex’s soft hand into hers. The woman is on the verge of falling. She leans herself towards Ava and the director just guides her to rest on one of her shoulder. 

 

             “And she told me everything. The clone thing, the Time Bureau, the anachronisms. It was a lot but after what I had seen above Area 51, I had no problem believing her. She told me to keep all of it to myself. She said she unloaded all of her secrets because they were her identity, the essence of her existence, and she wanted me to remember the real her.” 

 

            “And...and... and that’s the last time I saw her. Until you came a week ago.” 

 

              Her last word is lost into sob. Ava cannot resist the tears brimming her eyes any more, so she cries, trying to control her breathing. Alex collapses in her arms, her tears damps Ava’s Bureau suit. Ava cannot imagine how the woman felt when she saw her, a replica of her girlfriend, after a year of being apart from her beloved. How could Alex keep herself together and comfort her when she was hurt and rambling about Sara.  

 

             Ava let the woman grieve. Maybe it is the first time she can actually talk and grieve about her girlfriend with someone else. When Ava's real identity wasn’t something to share with the normal people, Alex had no one to share the memory of her Ava.

 

              They have been sitting together quietly until the green tea becomes stale. Ava has nothing to talk to Alex. Apparently, she is not hers, she never was. Ava shuffled when she sees the small dot of blue light flashing repeatedly on her time courier’s screen. There is an incoming message. She shouldn’t be surprised. Under the pressure of Mallus situation, it’s impossible for the director of the Time Bureau to spend a moment to process her heartbreak. 

 

                “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” Ava told the woman softly. 

 

               “The mission?” 

 

                Tears threaten to fall from Alex’s reddened eyes again. It reminds her of that night a year ago.

 

                Ava shakes her head slowly. “I’m the director of the Bureau now. In theory the chance that I will not survive this is pretty slim. I have to go back to keep things in check. Some of those time travelers are dimwits.” 

 

               Alex nods slowly. 

 

              “Wait a minute, okay? I have something for you.”  

 

              Ava gaze follows the woman, intrigued. Alex walks to her bedroom and returns a few minutes later, a white envelop in one of her hand. She gave it to Ava.

 

             “It’s from my Ava to you. I don’t know how could she possibly know that you would come to me. She told me to give it to you If we ever met. You can open it later. It’s for you. No need to share it with me.” 

 

            Ava fixes her gaze on the white envelop in her hand. It doesn’t look like anything special, just a neatly sealed plain envelop. Ava stands up, setting her device, ready to leave, for now.

 

             “See you again, okay?” 

 

               Alex looks at Ava and squeezes her shoulder gently. Ava eliminates the gap between them. One of her arm wraps around Alex’s waist and pulls her close. Alex throws her arms around Ava’s neck and brushes her lips on Ava’s temple. They are strangers, but deep down, they knows they share a unique bond that only them would understand and feel it.” 

 

                 +++++++++++++++++++

 

               Alone in her extensive director office, Ava sits on the edge of her desk and taps on her time courier to see the message. She sighs when Captain Lance’s name is shown on the big screen on the wall.

 

              Her chest feels a tinge of pain, not quite sure if she is ready for another of Sara’s attempt to convince her to go down with that crazy plan. The envelop is still in her hand, her thumb grazes the paper just to feel the material. Maybe the letter from the previous Ava is easier to stomach compared with something from the captain who once broke her heart. 

 

             She uses the paper knife on her desk to open the envelop. Ava slowly unfolds the letter, taking a deep breath before making sense of those hand writing. It is beautiful, she had exquisite penmanship. 

 

 

_Dear Ava,_

 

 

_You might think a letter is too old school but I think it’s a good way to materialize the existence of me, so let me be extra._

 

_First thing first, my apology for the stain on this letter, it’s my tears. I’m a bit sappy but my tears might be saltier than yours. If you are reading this letter it means Rip kept his promise to let you have a memory of Alex. She is mine and I don't want you to act like she’s nothing and meaningless, because you look exactly like me. You might fall in love with her because she’s really cool, I get it, but I can’t say I won’t be jealous._

 

_Anyway, that’s not the point of this letter. My point is...you are you. You are not me. I have my own life and I am proud of it. You have yours. Don’t be scared, okay? Please spend your time experiencing things. Life is too precious and delicate beyond those fabricated memories._

 

_Last question, can we be sisters? Can I think about you as my baby sister? This way we can have family._

 

_I wish you the life full of love._

 

 

_The hottest Ava Sharpe_

 

          Another stain appears on the letter when Ava cannot hold her tears anymore. One of her hand moves up to cover her eyes. She is trembling, it is her first time crying like this. It is too overwhelming. She can’t pinpoint if she feels good or bad. She only know that she feels too much and it is intense. 

 

           It takes a long while for Ava to get herself together after losing herself into the reassurance that she is real and that she had a sister whom she never get a chance to meet. She carefully put the letter back into its envelop after reading the short message multiple times. 

 

           She wipes the last drop of tears and lifts her head up to look at the name on the screen. 

 

           She let the video message play. It’s her duty to prevent the Legends to do stupid things after all.

 

              It is Sara, and she isn't on the captain’s seat or the library. It’s just Sara in her bed that Ava knows so well. Her attire isn’t normal. This time she’s wearing a vest over her shirt, a red cowboy scarf wrapped around her neck. Her blonde locks are kept in ponytail. Ava curses herself for thinking for a moment that the captain is adorable. 

 

           On the screen, the blonde captain looks away for a moment and wipes something off her eyes before fixing her bright blues to the camera as if Ava was right there in front of her.

 

           “Ava, Mallus is free now and Rip is gone. I don’t know if we can stop the time demon but we will try our best to save the world.”

 

             Sara pauses and breathes through her mouth.

 

              “It’s just.. I don’t know if we can win without me dying. And I think being resurrected again might be too much for a tiny lady like me. So I may not be able to protect you and I hate the thought of you getting hurt so much.” 

 

             Ava clenches her teeth at the thought of Sara dying. The captain shouldn’t be so calm with the thought of her death like that. Ava can’t endure the possibility of losing Sara to the time demon. 

 

            “Please, stop being the director. If I don't win, run away and and be safe, okay?  Don’t try to save the world without me. I don’t like the idea of you fighting alone. I mean, you might hate me right now and think I’m an idiot but I can’t lose you. I can’t let you die, Ava.”

 

              The captain’s voice is trembling now. Ava can see that she was trying to hold back her tears. She feels the lump forming in her chest seeing Sara vulnerable like this.

 

               “You are so special to me. You are something I had never thought I would have. My life had been so dark and it’s true that I am death. You know, Lian Yu, Amazo, Nanda Parbat, hurting my own family. I thought I didn’t deserve love, I didn’t deserve happiness. I've been trying to make up for my mistakes but never once that I don’t feel the guilt. I’m still the same monster.”

 

            “But you, Ava, you shine so bright. I couldn’t believe that part of me is still alive. It freaked me out at first but I couldn’t do a thing to stop myself from falling for you. I’m sorry that I made you cry that day we broke up. I was too stupid and scared. You can hate me as much as you want for that.”

 

          “And baby, don't worry too much about the clone issue, okay? You are real. Everything we have is real. It’s true that I am yours.” 

 

           Sara looks away from the camera. “Gosh, I miss you already.” 

 

        She turns her shimmering bright blues to the camera again. 

 

              “I love you, Ava.” 

 

              Sara recites those words with full intention. Ava blinked her eyes slowly, letting her tears falling down.

 

             “I have to go now. So it’s a goodbye for now. Remember, if Mallus wins, stay away from this mess. Bye.” 

 

            Sara gives her that smile, that cheek to cheek grin she reserves only for Ava. 

 

             The video message ends, leaving Ava alone. She slowly falls down to the floor. She rests her back against the desk behind her, closing her eyes. Right now she doesn’t even care if Sara loves her, the idea of not being able to see Sara again is much more terrifying and Ava will not let it happen.

 

 

          +++++++++++++++++

 

            Ava has the memory of star gazing. Her parents, the fake parents, took her to the local park night walk. She was ten and eager to learn more about the stars. She’s done reading astronomic encyclopedia since she was nine. It wasn’t that fun. The light pollution from the town was apparent and the tour instructors were mediocre nerds who only gave basic knowledge about the stars. It was boring, to be honest, but walking in the cold night and listening to the sound of the forest wasn’t that bad. 

 

                She shifts her body a little bit to adjust herself in the arms of the captain. Sara is sitting behind her. Her chest is warm against Ava’s back. Ava tugged the blanket higher to cover her neck. 

 

              “Should we get inside?” Sara asked above her ear while tightens her embrace. Her voice is so small as if she didn’t want to share the conversation with anyone else, although they were alone in the field of Lake Alqueva. The warm light in their tent is the only luminous dot on the ground. 

 

           “No, it’s just.. you are too tiny to be the big spoon.” Ava teased, earning a fake huff from the girl behind her.

 

          “Ava, you accepted the deal. I agreed to come here with the condition that I would be the big spoon.”

 

          It’s their plan. After defeating Mallus, they both need some quality time for themselves, alone without the Legends’ interruption. Ava urged Sara to take a break in Aruba with her team despite Sara’s protest. The captain needed to be among her cheerful and crazy team, indulging in their victory and believing in herself as the force of good. Ava shouldn’t be the distraction. Sara agreed to be away from her for a few days with the promise that they would have a date night together soon. 

 

           And now they are here, under the sea of stars. Lake Alqueva is one of the most beautiful dark sky reservations.

 

           “You like star gazing, huh, nerd?” Sara grazes her lips on the tip of Ava’s ear, earning a musical giggle from the woman in her arms.

 

           “This is _my_ first star gazing.” Ava responds softly. 

 

            Sara is quiet for a long moment. Ava senses how her girlfriend is debating with herself in her head. After the clone revelation, Sara has been self-conscious about everything related to the topic. 

 

            “It’s okay, Sara. I’ve come to terms with it now. Just for the record, I’ve been activated since December 17th 2016. Memories before that date were all fabricated, meaning everything after that was real.” 

 

            Sara’s hand searched for Ava’s under the blanket. Their fingers lace together. 

 

           “And you are the realest thing I ever have.” 

 

               Ava tears her gaze from the stars and turns her head to give Sara a kiss on her jawline. Sara kisses her back on her forehead. Ava nudges her face to the crook of Sara’s neck.

 

          “And don't think of yourself as anything less than a good hero, okay? You have the strong will to be the good guy. I don’t think anyone could stay in the light and dedicate themselves to help other people as much as you did if they had the same experience as yours. It must take an insane amount of hope and faith in humanity to be what you are right now. The good in you is so powerful.” 

 

           Ava can feel the rhythm of Sara’s heartbeat, and it’s a bit faster and louder. A moment later, she feels the wetness trailing down on Sara’s cheeks. Her reaction is impulsive, she cradles Sara’s face and kisses those tears away. The millions stars in the sky look pale compared to the glitters in Sara’s blue eyes. 

 

           “And I’m so glad you are my first kiss.”

 

           Ava whispers. Sara’s eyes flicker at the knowledge.

 

             “Really?”

 

             Ava closes the gap between their lips to make her point.

 

            “My first everything.” 

 

             Sara smiles to Ava’s lips and pulls her closer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have this idea for a long while after the clone revelation. I mean there's a lot to explore on those 11 clones before Ava. Anyway, let discuss what you think about this fic.


End file.
